Brian's 13th Birthday

On Saturday we traveled to Martinez to celebrate Brian's 13th Birthday.

Our nieces and nephew, Natalia, Marisa & Felix Jr.

My handsome husband in his jersey...just after putting poor Charlie to sleep upstairs

Tired boy

Adrian & Charlie

Monica helping Charlie hold his latest obsession: a water bottle.

The Bride to be wielding the cake knife - Tee hee! And her very grown up birthday boy, Brian

Working on Crawling - In Century City :-)

We're home from another L.A. trip and it was good to sleep in my own bed last night and wake up to a cage to put Charlie into at 5:20 this morning :-) We've been tagging along with Jose quite a bit and I'm sure child rearing experts would have something to say about that but I have something to say about it too. Because of the demands of the economy Jose has started to take more last minute and multiple day trips. As a family we are committed to not being away from each other more than 1 night whenever possible.  I feel like we're really fortunate that I'm at home with Charlie right now and that we have the companion pass so we can fly with big daddy...and I think we'd be crazy not to. I feel like it's important for all of us to be together, especially Charlie with his favorite buddy in such a critical developmental time and if we can make that happen why not take advantage? I found myself exhausted at the end of this trip and I can only imagine how Jose feels. I know that if I were the FactSetter (as many women are) that I couldn't be away from Charlie for this kind of travel and because they have such crazy check in/out clients visits, I couldn't make even pumping (much less breastfeeding) work away from him. (Though breastfeeding is much better rec'd in the workplace after legislation in the last decade could you see me toting an ice chest in with my work bag to a client?) I'd have to bring the nanny with me and have my baby in the hotel room while I worked downstairs because that's crazy quite frankly. Though I know the role of a dad is different, I know Jose hates to be away from Charlie in much the same way and if I can make that easier, I will. Plus I know my hubbie likes to have his bag unpacked, clothes and toiletries put out for the morning, and after I get up and take Charlie for the early am walk to let Jose sleep a little longer he always gets his coffee delivery :-)

Because Charlie rolls, forward scoots to wherever he pleases we had to get extra sheets to cover more surface area on the floor :-)

Push-ups

He's really trying to get up on his knees - push up/plank to yoga downward dog... but no crawls

With the PBK puppy Tia Ryn got him before when we first registered for the shower

Pre-baby, I thought baby life would always look this way, a sweet little book on top of his blanket...ready to head to the airport

But often times being a new parent feels like our poor carseat bag looks. BTW - if you plan to do more than 2 plane trips don't buy this bag! We've broken 1 zipper and as of this trip BOTH shoulder straps! Let me know if you  have a rec for a super durable car seat bag!

Asleep while out in the LA sunshine :-)

Pics from this am

In between his shrieks/squeals this am I snapped a few photos of my favorite baby boy. Still trying to figure out how to post video - you would crack up at his beginner "commando crawl". He only does one scoot at a time but it's effective and adorable...he's so proud of himself but not more than Jose and I.

Sage Advice

On thursday I went to the mom's club meeting where we had a guest speaker, Dr. Joshua Coleman. If the name sounds familiar it's because he has published several books on staying happy in a marriage with children and is considered an international expert. (Not to mention appearances on the "Today Show" etc.)  I was curious as to what this psychologist had to say being a once divorced father turned married (to another psychologist :-) and having twins via IVF.  I had read one of his articles entitled "When a Family Man Thinks Twice" .  It was the title that lured me in, though it wasn't the content I expected, it was about when a married man starts to consider divorce. While the style is not what I consider reader-friendly the message is powerful and it struck many images in my heart of what it must have been like for my own father, at times, as a divorced dad. So I was hooked.

I often feel that it's PERSPECTIVE that often determines happiness....it never hurts to have a few more tools in the toolbox to tune up a healthy perspective.

Prior to the start of the meeting I was expecting somebody who was a shoomzer a local Dr. Phil if you will. Dr. Coleman seemed shy until it was actually time for him to speak at which time he took over with great humility and a tiny spark of humor.  He spoke from his own experience which I found powerful as few psychologists are willing to do. He cited a lot of research but broke it down to chunk size bites so even my audience neighbors were nodding along despite the fact that they had no Psych background.  A lot of what he had to say is stuff you've heard time and time again but here are some things that I think are worth posting and giving more thought to:

(1) 70% of couples experience less satisfaction/struggle to some degree with what they anticipated marriage would be vs. what it actually is once married.  He says many couples need to "grieve" the idea of the perfect fairy tale and have to let go of the idea that they need to be loved/taken care of/nurtured needs every moment etc etc.  He says couples need to accept that it's not going to be all that jazz - and that you may not be as happy as you thought all the time.

I wish more people were honest about this - it would make the first year of marriage that much easier for a lot of couples!

(2) 3 stages of love

(a) Infatuation - falling in love, getting married, the "highs" etc.

(b) Dissolusionment - typically where most people get divorced, under 2 years. The larger the % of contempt/disgust for your partner is the biggest predictor of divorce.

(c) Mature Love - typically when partners can acknowledge their own vulnerabilities and take responsibility for their own crap/imperfections...that's when your marriage is in a "good place" according to Coleman :-)

He says that the idea of "soulmates" those couples that everyone has witnessed at some point or another - those that make it seem effortless are actually the couples who are doing the work behind the scenes.

3. How to make it work?

-take responsibility for your own crap without becoming defensive.

-5 good comments/interactions for every negative one. Coleman says that "soul mates" DO fight and often fight passionately but that does not define their relationship.

-60% of a couple's fights/regular diagreements will never be solved - managing these issues with respect for each other.

-he suggests that you give praise for all the things your spouse is doing right and ignore the little things.

-"conversations typically end the way that they begin.  If you're going to raise a touchy subject, do it when the two of you are feeling calm and ideally, close. "  Something for me to work on as I usually feel the need to "solve" things "right now".

4. Having a baby

- puts a sharp decline in marriage satisfaction rates for 90% of couples until the child enters grade school and it continues to go up very gradually until the child leaves for college when it typically matches the level of "pre-baby" again. (YIKES! LoL :-)

-increases the amount of housework 7 fold with the birth of the first child.

Advice from Ashton Kutcher in the news on this very subject:

I am so fortunate to be married to my best friend and together have a beautiful baby boy...though they can both be a pain in the ass...my life is beautiful because of them.

Feeding is a messy task

Feeding Charlie is quite a messy task and is, aside from nail clipping, probably my least favorite baby "chore". In my mind feeding solid foods was an exciting prospect of new little jars to try, anticipating funny expressions from the little man, and the wives' tale that babies sleep longer once on solid foods. (research shows there's no merit to this though some family and friends swear by it)  As Charlie becomes more and more interested in eating - it becomes messier and messier. Hand trying to grab the spoon - food on the hand- hand funning through the hair and into...oh no... his ear :-(  Needless to say, despite the doc's encouragement to not bathe Charlie often, baths in our house have certainly picked up!  Charlie still isn't eating 4 tbl of food per feeding but he's making a lot of progress so I think he'll catch up soon.  Here are some photos from yesterday...

Still working on the sippy cup - No, he's not sleeping...just closed his eyes with the flash of the camera

My feet are the coolest...

How can you resist this?

Still slightly leaning in the high chair :)

Go Back to Work or Stay at Home...No Easy Answers

There's never a perfect scenario no matter how good anyone's situation may appear from the outside. We have nothing to complain about in our house - Charlie is home with me every day and Jose makes a stable living so we are able to break even monthly when on budget.  I think in my mind that I'd always thought I'd be back to work when he was 6 months old. Now what goes through my mind is "he's so little" and "what about our bottle conundrum". "Where the heck am I going to find a job?" (as I'm watching all the teachers get pink slipped) "do I even want to teach again with the crazy English grading?".  The fact of the matter is that I don't want to go back to work right now because in my heart I believe no one (except Jose) can do as good of a job with Charlie as his own Mama. This doesn't mean that I don't long to have a lunch break with co-workers where we have adult conversations that DON'T include topics such as diaper blow-outs, best butt creams, and sleep problems. I long to wear nice work clothes (as I can't justify buying nice new clothes for my dairy-free size without new income) and have time where there is no grumbling/crying/incesscent fake coughing.

But even as I type I get sad thinking about missing his daily growth. I get sad thinking about the fact that we spent the first 2 months not knowing about his dairy allergy and being, quite frankly, miserable. (I know tons of new parents who are miserable in the 1st 3 months anyway, so you don't need to email me). If we don't have a baby #2 I will really miss him being this tiny - heck I'll miss it either way.

What I do know is quality day care here is $1870/month and it's hard to swallow half your pay check going to someone else to watch your baby.

But not going back to work means no spending money and not getting any closer to house than we are right now. This week I thought we were close to getting an apartment manager position which would cut our current $1,950/mo rent to $0 monthly and would have been great to actually stay home and save money, who's ever heard of that? Unfortunately the hiring person told me at the last minute they selected another applicant and yeah, I'm bummed. I've tried to be creative with what I could do while home with the little guy: applying to apt mgr jobs, offering part time in home day-care (slightly crazy I know but I figure I could do 1-2 days/week), tutoring (but Jose's schedule can't commit to be home certain nights of the week due to travel and after paying a sitter I'd only make $10/session) etc. etc. Perhaps I'm living on pluto (which apparently doesn't exist) to think that I could find a happy medium - staying with Charlie and contributing financially to our household. 

Despite all the headlines in my brain, life on pluto is good. 73 degrees outside today and Charlie and I went to have lunch at Dad's office. Though there is always a parade going in and out of the office; (most of the people don't have kids and find Charlie fascinating) Jose, Charlie and I and a quiet lunch in the sunshine in the courtyard.  I know it sounds super simple, but it made my heart so happy to have 30 mins with my boys in the beautiful weather.

Abundance on a Budget

I know it's silly but I'm really excited to be in this month's "Pregnancy Magazine" (however briefly). We're on page 68 in the "tips from the trenches" section where real mom's share ideas....this month on welcoming a baby on a budget.  I LOVED this whole issue - so pertinent for the given state of our economy - and quite frankly our lifestyle! (For those who are not close readers but scanners, NO we are NOT prego.  Charlie is quite fulfilling thank you!)

     

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Hand-me-down Toys

The Miller's (my cousin Jillian's family) and the Bruno's (Jose's boss & family) have been really generous with the little man and have given him some of the toys their kids have outgrown. Whenever someone offers us toys I put them out on a blanket and let Charlie check them out.  Since he is such an active boy he'll show interest in what he likes right away.  Therefore, we keep what he likes and donate the rest!

In his new exersaucer from the Miller's... 

Taking after G.P. with his new guitar from the Bruno's...

Thanks Miller fam for the bumbo - it's really handy!

Updated Photos

Charlie, Aaryn & Kaylin (Ryn's college roommate)

Uncle Dubs & Charlie

Cousin Ava & charlie reaching to give each other love. Eden looking on and about to jump in on the action.

Mimi with her great-grandbabies

Hillary & Jake are hoping for another baby girl so Seth says he can't buy a nephew. I said he could change Charlie's status from cousin to nephew so we decided on "Neph-sin"

Tia Mia & Charlie

G.P. & Charlie