Getting the Hang of this "Mom Thing"

I remember our first appointment the day after we got out of the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit with a nurse practitioner. I was exhausted from the labor / excitement of the birth of our son / 31 hours of having our newborn in the NICU. One of the only things I remember from that appointment - besides the fact that I was soooo grateful that our boy was healthy and we didn't have to go back to the hospital for a 3rd time was this...

Our NP said "yep, you're in the tunnel, I promise you it does get better". I was still running on adrenaline then and didn't know what that meant.  I think we're coming out of the tunnel now and I'm beginning to understand what she meant.

Our pre & post-natal fitness instructor is also a doula.  She continually tells the story of when her son was born and how she wanted to give him back. "I kept thinking to myself - I was wrong! This is a mistake!"

I love when I call Ann and ask what she's doing - my favorite response is "oh you know...Livin' the dream!" (I'm chuckling even as I write that)

The truth is that being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had. There have definitely been days (more than not in the tunnel) that I have thought to myself "THIS is NOT what I signed up for". The truth is that no childless person has ANY idea what they are signing up for. G.P. (my dad) and I were just talking about this last night when he asked me "could you have imagined how he would change your life?"  I said "no - and if someone would have told me, I wouldn't have believed them".

Everyone says "no one is ever ready to have kids" - that is funny to me now. What they mean is - no one is ever ready because life as you know it is over. That may sound bad to some of you but it's not at all how I mean it. Your perspective changes and the way you live with an infant is a delicate dance.

No - eating out without the fear of him waking up/screaming his ass off/needing to eat/finding a place to breastfeed (if you bottle feed - sweet! but a TON more dishes), romantic evenings out with your spouse without wondering whether or not your baby is okay, rated R time without the baby inevitably waking up and crying in the middle of your "romance", eating/drinking what you want (again!), traveling without packing half your house, going to the movies, long showers, a pedicure, disposable income, sleeping 6+ hours in a row.

Yes to - this tiny miracle that shockingly looks like he belongs to you and your husband, nights full of tiny snores on your chest, smiles from total strangers because you have a baby in the world, tiny toes, bath time complete with splashing, response smiles...not just gas, "talking back", most importantly a new perspective that I could not have imagined.  All I really want in this world is my child to be provided for: clothed, fed, diapered :-) , educated and loved.

Since I've been on this crazy no dairy diet Charlie is doing so much better. He has some predictable "sleeping times" (no regimented naps yet) and we're getting better at nursing on the fly. My only wish for the moment is for him to accept a bottle so we could be even more mobile and I could get off this crazy no ice cream no chocolate no pizza plan. In the mean time the side bonus is that I'm dropping L-Bs (as MMM would say) and my baby feels better. Charlie's needs have become more predictable and it makes me feel like a better parent - or at least I feel like I want to pull my hair out a lot less. His smile, even at 4am can make me cry and I know this is the most precious gift in life - in this new life and new love.